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Saturday, October 2, 2021

A FIRST FOR ME AT HOLY MASS IN 41 YEARS AS A PRIEST!

 As I was celebrating the Memorial of the Holy Guardian Angels just now concluded, after the fraction Rite, a chameleon lizard hiding on the tabernacle veil, jumped from the veil toward me, narrowly missing the chalice of the Most Precious Blood. 

At first, I thought it was what we call a "water bug" or roach which is actually a palmetto bug and these are huge and some of them fly and they are all disgusting creating fear and trembling to all who encounter them in our homes and other places, including churches. 

Chameleons though, are cute little lizards and do not inflict injury or harm on anyone and these change colors right before your eyes. These do make it indoors and it is necessary to nice to them and gently remove them by hand. However, do not pick them up by the tail as the tail will detach and continue to wiggle. The chameleon will grow another one.

These want to bite you but are incapable of inflicting any kind of dent in one's skin. They are so cute unless they surprise you and you think they are something else more nefarious!

But what if he or she or it landed in the chalice, would I have to consume the Precious Blood with it in it? And if I took it out, it would be covered in Precious Blood, how do I purify it? Oh my!!!!!

2 comments:

Fr Martin Fox said...

That reminds me of a joke an amiable retired priest I lived with for awhile, now gone to God, used to tell:

There were two deacons, one smart and one stupid, and both were waiting to be called in by the bishop for their canonical exam before being ordained as priests. The smart deacon whispered to the dumb one, "look, we know he always asks the same questions of everyone. I'll go in first and I'll leave the door ajar and you can hear my answer, OK?"

So the smart goes in, and the bishop says, "I just have one question. Suppose you are offering Mass, and you about to consume the Precious Blood, and you see that a fly is in the chalice. What do you do?"

"Well," said the smart deacon, I would do one of three things. I would reach in with my consecrated fingers and place it in the ablution bowl to deal with later; or I would spear it with my maniple pin and hold it in the flame of the candle to dispose of it, or I would consume it as it was."

The bishop was impressed. "What a good answer, and you are not yet a priest. You are an inspiration!"

"Not yet, your Excellency, but with your fine example, I hope to be."

So the smart deacon was dismissed and in came the stupid deacon. The bishop thought to himself, "oh my, the Holy Spirit is going to have to work overtime for this one." Then he said, "I just have one question. Suppose you are offering Mass, and you about to consume the Precious Blood, and you see that an elephant is in the chalice. What do you do?"

"Well," said the smart deacon, I would do one of three things. I would reach in with my consecrated fingers and place it in the ablution bowl to deal with later; or I would spear it with my maniple pin and hold it in the flame of the candle to dispose of it, or I would consume it as it was."

The bishop was incredulous. "What a ridiculous answer, you jackass!"

"Not yet, your Excellency, but with your fine example, I hope to be."

Fr. Michael J. Kavanaugh said...

A few years back I bowed after the preparation of the gifts and saw a HUGE wasp on the hem of my alb. Trying to remain calm, I gave the alb a few gentle shakes to try to dislodge the thing, but it would not let go. The weather had turned cool, so it was a bit sluggish. Calmly, I picked up the hand towel and squatting, captured and probably squished the thing.

Tragedy - and nasty sting - averted.