Many years ago in a far, far off place, I was invited to lunch by two Episcopal priests. During the course of the meeting, I discovered they were living together and with benefits. This was prior to the Supreme Court green-lighting same sex marriages in the USA.
I asked how their bishop in the Episcopal Church felt about their intimate union. They said she was good with it, no problem.
Then I asked if the bishop would feel the same way about a male priest and a female priestess living together without marriage. They said that wouldn’t be allowed. It would be frowned upon.
Both of them were hired by two different parishes in our town. I asked if there were any problems with their parishioners concerning their living together with benefits. They said no, no problems except for one of the church’s vestry member asked if they would avoid romantic kisses on the mouth, if ever together at a parish Eucharist’s Kiss of Peace.
Double standard? In the eyes of the world, the heterosexual couple seems to be the one being treated like dirt rather than the homosexual couple who is affirmed in their intimate relationship outside of marriage.
It seems that many in the Catholic Church who are pushing for Catholics in a variety of illicit sexual relationships to be able to receive Holy Communion, especially of the LGBTQ+++ type, never see that as a slap in the face to Catholics of the heterosexual type, who are divorced but still in a presumably valid sacramental marriage, and remarried outside the Church. They attend Mass faithfully every Sunday, participate in activities of the Church, such as women’s groups, men’s groups, ushers, choir members, etc but never receive Holy Communion due to their illicit “marriage”.
It seems to me that allowing those of the same sex in illicit union to receive Holy Communion while heterosexuals in illicit unions faithfully do not receive Holy Communion out of fidelity to Christ and His Church, not to mention Scripture and Tradition, is treating heterosexuals like dirt, no?
And this brings me to Bishop Varden who I hope the convalescing Pope Leo XIV elevates to Cardinal and a Vatican Curial position and what he said about the just recently concluded Amoris Laetitia jam sessions of incessant talking and listening:
This is from a post I saw on Facebook, but can’t remember the organization posting it. It is a copy and paste:
How can the Church welcome people whose family situation does not match its teaching, without changing that teaching? One bishop who took part in the Vatican’s recent family meeting has offered a thoughtful answer.
Bishop Erik Varden of Trondheim, Norway, wrote on his website on October 15 about his time at the week-long Vatican meeting marking ten years since Amoris Laetitia. AdVaticanum reported on his reflections. He focused on divorced and civilly remarried Catholics, a topic connected to Chapter 8 of the document, which has been debated since 2016.
Welcome without relativizing
Bishop Varden wrote that it can be “liberating” for people in such situations to be in a community where their irregular situation is “acknowledged, not relativised,” and where they are still “embraced with Christian friendship, enabled to contribute to the community.”
He also suggested that those who suffer in their family life can look at their trials in a bigger picture. Pastoral care, he wrote, should help them discover the “potentially productive sense of their troubles, which may serve to lessen selfishness and purify love.”
More than affirmation
The bishop said the goal of pastoral care must always be transformation in Christ, “not merely human affirmation — though we all need a bit of that as well.” He wrote that Christ gave His commandments “to educate us and to liberate us from ourselves,” quoting the Fourth Eucharistic Prayer: that we might “live no longer for ourselves but for him who died and rose again for us.”
A quiet witness
Varden also spoke of faithful Catholics he knows who come forward for a blessing at Communion, Sunday after Sunday, knowing they cannot receive the sacrament, yet trusting in God’s mercy. He said their example “testifies to the vital realism of the sacrament and to the virtue of hope,” and added that “sacramental exile sustained over time can prepare a joyful homecoming.”
About the meeting
Pope Leo XIV called the meeting and it ended on October 14. AdVaticanum reports that Monsignor Philippe Bordeyne, a member of the Final Synthesis Committee, confirmed that the unpublished synthesis report addresses the question of Communion for the divorced and civilly remarried, though he said it was “not the centre” of the discussions. Pope Leo will review the report before deciding what is released.
These are the personal reflections of one bishop, and Catholics hold a range of views on how best to accompany people in these situations.
How do you think the Church can balance welcome and truth?