There has to be a middle approach to these two ways of "leadership":
Bishop Tobin of Providence is being vilified and crucified for upholding Church teaching in what appears to be a "mean" way. Catholics are polarized and a schism is on the way as it regards sexuality in the Church and that schism will produce another Protestant denomination which will look like the Anglican Communion as it regards post-Christian sexual morality and sacramental life.
But with that said, only someone living in a cave would not know that how the world views those with same sex attractions or other sexual disorders has changed dramatically.
Gay couples now civilly married live in our neighborhoods, are invited into our homes, and work next to us. There has to be a Christian way to deal with people who don't agree with or live by what the Church teaches.
Most Catholics, like in the 1950's, accepted that divorce and worse yet, remarriage outside of the Church was morally wrong. But most Catholics would not hesitate to invite these kinds of people into their homes and families and reach out to them in their need.
The Church and her leaders must uphold Catholic moral teachings as it regards sexuality and marriage. But we must do so in a way that does not polarize the Church or offend Catholics who otherwise are good Catholics.
But then again, martrys aren't made or killed by people who agree with what the Church believes. Remember that St. John the Baptist was beheaded at the request of Herod's wife to her daughter and asked for his head on a platter because he had offended her about her illicit, immoral marriage.