When I was a child, I just loved Topo Gigio when he appeared on Ed Sullivan! He was so cute!
I guess you could say this one is kind of plump and cute?
The best kind of a rat, dead! We already had four just like these killed in the house! These are not cute or cuddly!
This news story could be filmed in my rectory kitchen and as the reporter states, it is completely unacceptable! I agree! This is not cute! This is what is in my rectory and yes I think the rectory should be shut down until the problem is completely resolved!
As Sophia Patrillo would say on the Golden Girls, "picture this...":
"2010, Macon, GA, the rectory,Wednesday, August 11th, it's 4:50 AM and I am sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying my bagel and a cup of coffee, reading the Macon Telegraph. Then, I hear scurrying, like a mad dash of a solo runner or a dog trying to get traction on the glaze of a tile floor. I glance reflexively at the kitchen floor and in comes flying a large brown rat the size of a small Chihuahua with a tale longer than his body! He knows I'm there and he's in a panic. No, I'm in a panic! He heads toward me, I spit out my bagel, get coffee on my tee shirt; he runs over my slippers, which by the way I have on, tries to find an escape, but he's trapped like a rat, no, I mean, he is a rat!!!!!!!!!! I don't mean to be sexist, it could have been a she.
I nearly jump on the kitchen table trying to get out of its way. He's frantically looking for an escape. He looks at me as we establish eye contact. It almost jumps on the kitchen counter but then to much of my relief and his, I presume, finally he finds an opening at the base of the kitchen cabinet and disappears, presumably to stalk me later, but where, in my bedroom as a I sleep, while I'm taking a shower, a la "Psycho?" Will it run up my leg as I sit at my office desk? Will I ever feel secure again?
My skin crawls; I throw the rest of my bagel away and get the hell out of there! I contemplate moving from the rectory because of this nightmare which is now occurring when I am awake. This is a "morningmare" and it is real!" I run upstairs and like Scarlet O'Hara, I clinch my fist, raising it heavenward, declaring, "as God is my witness, I will never go down to that kitchen again!"
Brothers and sisters, this is rat number five, four are dead, killed behind our stove, you know the place where we cook our food! I've seen pictures of the dead ones, this is the first time I've actually seen one running toward me and in a confined place! My skin is crawling and now every creak and crack I hear in the house, I know it is my worst nightmare coming true.
Update: Picture this: it's 8:50 AM this morning, I'm sitting at my desk,preparing to make out our three month, September, October and November priests' Mass schedule. As I take my pen in hand, something jumps on the desk right where my left arm is resting. I look. It is a roach! I kill it instantly! Dear God,what have I done to deserve this? Why is this happening, in what way I have offended you? Answer me! Does anyone have a tranquilizer?