Is it OK to reject family members over their religion?
CAROLYN HAX
Adapted from an online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: Most of my family members belong to the religion I was raised in, which I have come to view as wrong not just theologically, but morally. The religion teaches prejudice and hatred.
I am increasingly wondering whether I can, in good conscience, continue to have a loving relationship with these people. To me, the religion’s teachings are so wrong, so harmful, that acting friendly around them as long as religion doesn’t come up would be like having a friend who’s a member of a neo-Nazi organization and just turning a blind eye to it.
Do you think that, for my own morality, I need to sever ties with my family? -- Religious Differences
Religious Differences: IF you believe this religion’s teachings are as morally reprehensible as neo-Nazism -- if -- then, yes, you need to treat your family members who embrace these teachings as if they were neo-Nazis.
If there’s a moral difference between the two belief systems, then your moral obligation changes as well.
Ultimately only you can determine this.
You also, of course, get to choose which values you prioritize:
Does family take precedence over the morality of individual beliefs, or does the morality trump all?
Do your priorities change whether these beliefs are or aren’t acted upon, or is the belief enough regardless? Does choosing the religion mean choosing its every belief, or are adherents responsible only for the tenets they embrace?
Or does usefulness toward the collective good displace both family and morality altogether, if there’s some chance remaining connected will give you more power over your family’s immorality than you would have if you chose to isolate yourself from them?
It’s a lot. Being torn is almost a given.
And you certainly will find a lot of people in anguish over similar conflicts, if you look, and not even very hard.
It’s also your prerogative to decide, always, that you don’t like the effect certain people have on you and that you don’t want to associate with them anymore for that reason alone. It doesn’t have to be any more cerebral or ethical than that.
6 comments:
It is possible - it is necessary - that we continue to love our family members, in spite of what they may say, do, or believe.
I must love the brother who is abusive toward his wife, the child who behaves in reprehensible ways, the sister who lies about the rest of us with a goal of harming our reputations.
I may treat them as I would neo-nazis, having little or nothing to do with them, but I must continue to love them - to hope and pray and act for their good.
Since the 6 January Trump-inspired insurrection in Washington, DC, there have been stories of family members or girl/boy friends who identified to the authorities their parents, brothers, sisters, and/or co-workers. This was an act of love, not only for the individuals who must be held accountable, for the larger community, the Common Good.
Such action may result in a severing of ties. This situation can be redeemed down the road, in God's time, but at the item points out, it will cause great anguish in the present.
Well "liberals" reject their relatives if they are Republicans
Well we certainly can't identify to the authorities those many "peaceful" protesters (BLM and Antifa) who went to the streets of Blue America during the spring and summer of 2020 and "calmly" made known their thoughts on racism, white supremacy, law enforcement, and our President. That would be an act of hate, not love. (See FrMJK at 0852.)
Father K,'
Give it a rest. It was YOUR party members and its brownshirts that laid waste to several urban areas this past year. The so-called "insurrection" at the Capitol was a love tap compared to the riots in Democrat controlled cities which actually destroyed Black businesses and homes. Do you even think anymore? What happened at the Capitol got out of control because Pelosi refused to have the 10,000 national guard troops that President Trump offered.
Auntie - Yes, if you know that someone has committed a crime, you should report them. In fact, you have a moral obligation to do so.
I didn't say or suggest that "some" criminals should be reported and "some" should not.
The part that is insane is her advice: only you can determine if their beliefs are Neo-Nazi. No! The truth doesn't work that way.
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