People are kicking caskets and funerals and religious affiliation out of the way:
As a priest, I read a lot of obituaries. In line with the trend toward nones when it comes to religion, I notice that more and more obituaries showcase the deceased person's accomplishments and likes. However, there is no indication of religious affiliation whatsoever. And more and more people are opting not to have a public funeral, but rather a private family affair at a later date, which is code for there will be nothing at a later date. Cremation makes this possible and makes the remains apart of our throwaway culture, be it in the woods, on the mountains or at the beach or stuck in someone's closet.
This trend is particularly shocking in what once was called the Bible Belt. Most people in the south had a Christian burial of some kind and some acknowledgement in the obituary that they had some kind of religious affiliation even if generic. He was a Christian. He was a Catholic. He was a Jew.
What a sad society we have become in this secular world in which we live where even the dead are throwaways.
11 comments:
Yes, I too have noticed this. I'm at the point where friends my age or a few years old are dying, sometimes very quickly from an aggressive illness. Sometimes there will be a service for the family, or there will be a service later, or the service is held at the funeral home with no mention of a church connection. I can only hope that pastors or priests conduct these services, but I doubt it. Somehow I see a Jonathon Winters type of Mr. Lovejoy leading the mourners in song.
And what is this with "passing"? People don't die any more; they pass. "Mary Lou passed last week. We are all so sad."
Aargh.
The “nones” are a powerful group and often are politely aggressively anti-Catholic. They identify as catholic but don’t agree or follow anything the Church does. They don’t attend Mass, they don’t support the Church.They are the majority in society, and often they are the majority in families that were raised as Catholic. It’s the majority that rules, not everyone is thrilled about that.
The other thing I have noticed, and this is not a particularly new thing - everyone goes to Heaven. I guess maybe this is not so unusual in an obituary, but in the funeral service given by the Priest. He us wearing white, not black - and there is no question in his words that the deceased was a virtual saint and is surely smiling down from Heaven - no matter what type of person he really was.
None of us has the right to judge a person's soul - but this sends the wrong message. Why did Jesus come to Earth and die for our sins? There is a Heaven, and a Hell.
In Hoc Signo Vinces
In the long run, God is in charge.
Live for Him - the majority be damned.
Have you noticed that we have stopped mourning for the deceased? Instead, we "celebrate" their lives, characters and accomplishments, or rather we exaggerate their accomplishments.
Interestingly, the Albany, NY papers often still have in their obituaries of Catholics that so and so was "a communicant of" such and such parish.
Some obits get downright silly like these I took from actual obituaries: "X passed away out of the loving care of her family and at the Bugles Call to the Post, she set the pace out of the gate, held the rail through the backstretch, pushed three wide on the outside as she rounded the far turn, stormed back into the lead at the top of the stretch, and pulled away from the field in the final furlong to win her Triple Crown of righteousness."
Or, "X, a world traveler and self-proclaimed 'JFC Certified' creator, engineer, entrepreneur, inventor, photographer, model, commentator and tamer of all Amazon women, passed away suddenly."
Or, "Legendary X Sr. passed away on Thursday, July 17, 2015, for all of those who are in hiding you are safe to come out now."
Or, "the saints in heaven danced for joy as he joined them at the great nuptial banquet prepared for them by God. There he continues his life with all those he loved who left before him."
Doesn't anybody just die anymore?
Oh, and the majority say they are in Heaven now with their friend Jesus.
Well...there is the cost of funerals, and land is at a premium in a lot of areas. Maybe 100,000 people a year die in New York City and London...not like there is new land to be plowed in those areas. Yeah, I guess you could send one's remains to a cemetery in a rural area, but not many would probably want to do that. Catholic parishes (including mine) now have memorial gardens. I don't think the trend is going to reverse. But, those factors given, I would prefer burial too. One low-cost option is natural burial at Honey Creek near the Monastery of the Holy Spirit outside of Atlanta. Your body is put in a box and lowered into the ground.
The Church, even prior to the Council, allowed for cremation in certain cultures like Japan's. However, it could not be done for anti-Christian reasons, whatever that might be, maybe our belief in the resurrection of the body at the end of time. But when the Church offers a dispensation from the preference of bodily burial, abuses inevitably occur and then the abuse or the dispensation becomes the norm in practice although not in canon law.
I would say that the majority of funerals I have now are cremations. And of those, the majority are not buried or interred anywhere that I am aware of. Usually family members keep the cremains or scatter or sprinkle elsewhere or divide them among family members. I would say these are anti-Catholic practices to say the least. But once the body is cremated, the family is in charge and can do with the remains what they wish--not so with the full body, by law it has to be buried or interred and publicly known where it is.
I think columbaries on church property is a great idea and in our diocese we have a few parishes that have them, although this is a tacit approval of cremation being the norm not the exception.
As far as cost and family members being cheap about funerals, when I was in a well integrated parish in Augusta, our poorer black members were always fearful about not having a proper burial because of cost factors. Every black funeral home provided burial insurance and every poor black member in my parish had that insurance so they could have a decent burial. God bless them and eternal rest grant unto them.
I too have noticed this trend up here in the Northeast. We are generations into "none" or, C/E/Wedding/Funeral Catholics. What does anyone expect? Why is there surprise? Funerals, (excluding the social/family reunion that most become) are awkward anymore given the number of people that do not know what to do during mass/Liturgy yet line up for communion. I gather the weddings are the same just in many instances, less civil. Seems anymore, Aunt Millie is "in Heaven", let's "celebrate her life" with "words of remembrance" (some that I've heard are borderline inappropriate) and the quicker we get the casket/urn to the cemetery, the faster we get to the bar at the repast.
I can reasonably see cost becoming a factor as well. People are strained and stressed, particularly during COVID, and many just don't have the means to pay for elaborate caskets, funeral home rental for viewing, church usage fee for viewing/mass, fee for musician, stipend for priest, tip for ushers/servers, flowers, cards, vault, plot, fee to open the grave and close, repast, funeral car rental fee, grave market etc. It's challenging to put together something that people are generally accustomed to seeing, at least in the Northeast, for less than $10K. Everything, cleaned and pressed, will likely and easily be more than $13K to over $15K.
In my humble opinion, I think the Church and her bishops and priests have greatly contributed to this problem when years ago they started to emphasize the "instant canonization" of people at their death. The white vestments, the happy clappy music, the eulogies which get into some really embarrassing things or the talk about making Christmas cookies with grandma....all tend to trivialize the experience of death. Even the wakes are hardly more than an hour. And in speaking with good priests, if they don't do these things, they are vilified. And of course the bishop will not back them in most cases. It is really sad.
Father McDonald, you mentioned that the majority of cremated remains are not buried or interred anywhere that you are aware of. I have yet to attend a funeral where someone was cremated and after the funeral Mass, there was the customary trip to the cemetery for the committal rites. I'm convinced that as you say family members keep the cremated remains or scatter them somewhere or divide them among family members. Why do they do that? Because nobody ever told them that the Church expects cremated remains to be buried or put in a mausoleum or columbarium. I have never once heard a priest talk about the "rules" in a homily nor ever saw anything put in the Sunday bulletin talking about the "rules" for cremations. Maybe this is something that should be brought up when the family meets at the parish office to plan the funeral?
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