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Thursday, August 22, 2019

DOES YOUR PARISH HAVE WEDDING RULES?







Over at the Deacon's Bench Blog, there is a rant about a church in New York and its strict wedding rules and how it turns off nominal Catholics who simply want to have a wedding in beautiful church building.

Personally, it is important to have rules for weddings because some Catholics today are so crass and lack reverence for the Church and her sacraments, much of it having to do with the casual and silly experiences they have had and only have had with the Ordinary Form of the Mass. 

I do not allow "destination" weddings in my parish in Richmond Hill. There must be some connection to St. Anne Church, like living in the parish boundaries, registered or not, or family connection. Proximity to Savannah as a tourist venue doesn't cut it. The destination weddings that I have allowed have been nightmares and turns weddings into a product for the bride or her mother who approach the parish as though we were Walmart or, should I say, Neman and Marcus.  

For registered parishioners, the "donation" for the Church is minimal an usually covers fees for our wedding director and the organist. 

What requirements does you parish have?

You can read the Deacon's Bench Rant HERE. But my problem is with the wordiness of one aspect of this parish's rules and here is their wordiness and how I would correct it:

The use of “unity candles” is strongly discouraged. Experience has consistently demonstrated their clumsiness. For instance, they often do not light properly, or they spread wax, or they can even set other decorations on fire. More importantly, the Catholic marriage rite does not allow for such a lighting ceremony. Therefore, if desired, unity candles belong best at the wedding reception, where they can be incorporated into the first dinner blessing of the newly married couple. Floral decorations should not be extravagant. Our beautiful Gothic church needs little extra ornamentation. The priest will discuss with you the options about where the flowers can be arranged. Candles in the body of the church must be enclosed in glass globes. Due to past experiences, runners are no longer permitted.

Why give an apologetic for their rules or anticipate objections as the above "guideline" does? Just write it this way:

The "unity candle" is not a part of the Catholic wedding liturgy and is not permitted at this church. 

Aisle runners are not allowed in this church.

The wedding director will discuss with you where floral arrangements may and may not be placed as well as where additional candles may or may not be placed.  

Saint Anne Church in Richmond Hill, Georgia can be read HERE. 

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Neman is a town in Russia.

Neiman Marcus (not Neiman and Marcus) is a high end department store.

Fr. Allan J. McDonald said...

In this day of individual truths I like my truth better than yours.

Anonymous said...

Alas, that seems often to be the case. You and Ms. "Alternative Facts" Conway and her ilk are on the same path.

rcg said...

Heh, good one Fr. MCDONALD. Your spelling and response brought anouther sound alike word to mind: “Nemo me impune lacessit.” 👍

Anonymous said...

What is an "aisle runner?"

Anonymous said...

rcg - No, but they do it with accuracy...

The Order of the Thistle is probably concerned with accuracy, don't you think?

rcg said...

My goodness, can’t we make corrections without demeaning each other? Unless the purpose is to cause disruption and divert from his point.

Anonymous said...

Father M. what is your policy on Saturday night weddings? Some might argue that since Saturday night should be time of preparation for Sunday worship, that weddings are inappropriate on a Saturday night (just as some parishes don't allow weddings during Lent).

Anonymous said...

Bee here:

An aisle runner is a long cloth or some durable fabric like vinyl, usually white, that is placed down entire length of the aisle as sort of a "royal carpet" for the bride. I think it's supposed to make the walk down the aisle seem more classy.

However, often they are not secured and the bride or bridesmaids can easily trip, catch a hell, and slip and fall. And that definitely is not more classy.

God bless.
Bee

Anonymous said...

rcg - We can make corrections without demeaning others, sure.

But when a correction of fact is AUTOMATICALLY taken as an act of demeaning the person who made the error in the first place, or seen as an attempt to "cause disruption and divert from the point," well...

Mrs. Clean said...

Sometimes an aisle runner is used to protect the wedding dress from becoming soiled by dirt or floor grime.

Joseph Johnson said...

True to form, I strongly believe the EF should be an option, provided that a knowledgeable priest (in good standing) is willing to celebrate it, whether he is the pastor or not. However, I have been made aware that our bishop has adopted a policy (which, by the way, I think violates Summorum Pontificum) that prohibits this option. I have seen correspondence from him to this effect. Is anyone from the Diocese of Savannah aware of this?

rcg said...

Bee, you are right! And the poor groom will catch it the rest of his days. 🤣

Anonymous said...

"I have seen correspondence..."

Addressed to whom? Dated when?

Carol H. said...

Joseph Johnson,

I haven't seen that correspondence, but I have seen others from the bishop's office rejecting the suggestion to invite the FSSP to the diocese. They claim that enough parishes offer the EF that it is not necessary to do so.

Anonymous said...

Bee here:

Oops! I just reread my post. Of course, I meant "catch a HEEL" but the other might work too! :-) Just don't know if it was a literary "Freudian slip".

:-)

God bless,
Bee

Joseph Johnson said...

I would like for a priest or someone else who has seen this official correspondence to either corroborate what I have seen or deny it. I do not have a copy of the letter but I have seen it. I am told it was publicly distributed. I am working on getting a copy. It does exist.

Joseph Johnson said...

Carol,
I surely would love to see that letter! How can it be said that enough parishes in our diocese offer the EF when it's not within an hour's drive for any Catholic! There should be a designated one in each deanery so that any Catholic can easily attend without it being an all-day junket (as it is from where I live).

Joseph Johnson said...

I was shown this Diocesan letter (about no EF wedding or funeral Masses) by a good friend of mine after I told him that I drafted my will to include a provision that I wanted my requiem Mass to be EF. This provision explained that if my pastor didn't know how, he should invite a priest to come celebrate my EF requiem Mass.
Summorum Pontificum clearly envisions people having the option of EF wedding and funeral Masses as well as other Sacraments in the older form.

Carol H. said...

Joseph Johnson,

I have seen at least 2 of those letters. I believe one was sent to Marc who sometimes posts here, but I am not certain. I was going to send a request to the bishop myself, but didn't bother after seeing those responses.

I am considering sending my request now. At least then I would have a hard copy of the rejection letter. Then again, maybe the bishop will surprise me! One can always hope!

Marc said...

I did receive one of those letters many years ago saying that there were enough traditional masses in the diocese already. Thank God, we were able to move. I haven’t been to a Novus Ordo service in about 5 years (with the exception of a co-worker’s husband’s funeral). My children have never been to any mass other than the traditional mass — and they never will, so long as they live in my house.

Joseph Johnson said...

I hope to have the letter tomorrow.

Carol H. said...

Good to "see" you, Marc! I pray your family is doing well!

Anonymous said...

Joseph Johnson,

If this is the case I haven’t heard of it yet. I’m getting married in November at St. Joseph’s in Macon in the Extraordinary Form, with a priest from the Archdiocese of Atlanta saying the Mass. I’m not sure what communication goes on between him, the parish, and Bishop Hartmayer, but if there is a problem I really hope we would’ve known about it by now.

Anonymous said...

JJ @ 2:51,
I haven’t seen a letter from the current Bishop, but did see one from his predecessor disallowing a petition request from several local signatories. At the time, a local priest (who was here only a short time, but just long enough) took great issue with the request, and the Bishop backed him even though that priest was not being asked to be the celebrant. Very disheartening for all involved.

Joseph Johnson said...

The friend (in another city in our diocese) who originally showed me the letter in question has searched for it in his files as well as electronically (I checked my past texts with him as well). Regrettably, we have not yet found it.

In mitigation, he recalled that it only pertained to the Cathedral in Savannah and stated that there would be no EF sacraments (other than the Eucharist) offered at the Cathedral. I recalled a broader prohibition, which, at the time, appeared (to me) to prohibit, for instance, the fulfillment of my request for an EF funeral Mass. I am glad to know that you can still get an EF wedding Mass in Macon. It would be nice if there could be EF First Communions and Confirmations as well for those who prefer it. Again, Summorum Pontificum envisions this.

Joseph Johnson said...

We found the letter. It was from the rector of the Cathedral and is undated. It mentions consultation with the bishop. It mentions that all other sacraments (other than the Eucharist) will only be OF. It also states that the Cathedral Latin Mass was formerly a "regional/deanery Mass" but is now a Cathedral parish Mass.