Sunday, April 3, 2011



Fr. Justin, our parochial vicar, just informed me in the sacristy as he was vesting for the 7:45 AM Mass, that a little tray of "Decon" rat poison which we had left outside his bedroom next to our linen closet since the last round of five huge rats invaded the rectory in May of last year, one sticking around until October, had been tampered with.

We had seen minor evidence of the return of one of these rectory rats on April Fools Day and I thought Fr. Justin was the prankster! No such luck.

Almost as a divining rod within the Psyche of my post-traumatic stress syndrome that I still have about rats in the rectory, I was guided to our upstairs living room. I just stood there and looked about and by the side of the couch I noticed in the dim light a dark object. I went closer and sure enough it was a rat in a trap that we've had up there since last summer and which I didn't know was still there! And sure enough, unlike the genius rat we killed in October, not too far from this trap, a rat, although a bit smaller than the the genius one, had fell for the trap and placed his head in it for a morsel of food. He must have been delirious from eating the decon a few moments earlier!

Now the question for my current traumatic stress syndrome on top of my post traumatic rat stress syndrome is, how the hell did this critter get into the house and are there more??????? What kind of cross is this? You have no idea what this does to me at night when I am in bed!
Click to enlarge!


Anonymous said...

Oh Father - we are still laughing (albeit it in a horrified sort of way)! Perhaps you are being prepared for future service in some rat infested location, all for the Glory of God - embrace your cross! :) -pgal

Anonymous said...

OH UGH! May I suggest a cat? I live in an older house with many, many gaps through which mice used to think it was a good idea to enter. After about a month of being awakened around 3am by one of my cats announcing she had caught a mouse, and then having to kill it quickly and dispose of it outdoors, they got the idea.

Although now they just go upstairs to my neighbors. The perils of living near the woods.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and a prayer for the intercession of St. Gertrude for you.

Anonymous said...


Please, please get rid of all the poisons and traps and just get yourself a big cat or a terrier. Really, with a cat or terrier on patrol at all times, the rats in the rectory will be killed and the others will quickly learn to stay away from the rectory. You'll once again be able to sleep soundly without fear of rodents. My property is bounded on two sides by creeks, and on the other side by fields and woods. Lots of wild rats live in the area, and I have seen them in the creek bed. I have never had one in the house - ever - nor have I had any mice. I have a dog and a cat. When I am walking my dog in the yard, she kills shrews and moles (and she's not even a terrier - she's an Akita), and the rats...well, they stay the heck away from my dog and my house. Rats have gone into my neighbor's house, but never mine. My poor cat never gets to kill anything but spiders and centipedes! Do yourself a favor, Father, and get a cat and/or dog (if the latter, a terrier or other breed w/a high prey drive).

Frajm said...

On Christmas Eve a most precious solid black kitten came up to me as I was going into the Church. He was so friendly, but I was told that the people from the First Baptist Church next door had been feeding him. He hung around for about three days and I was able to convince Fr. Justin that we should make him the rectory cat and an indoor cat. No sooner had we made the decision, the cat was gone. We think First Baptist was behind it! But yes, I am contemplating a cat for the rectory, a lynx or cougar of some kind.

pinanv525 said...

Jack Russell Terrier! 'Nuff said.

Paul said...

Father, my wife is a Filipino and as far as I knew until recently, is afraid of nothing, save God. She is the kind of woman who casually mentions, "...and when I was 10 the Muslims kidnapped my papa, but I still had to go the jungle to gather food."

All that changed when she spotted a tiny, minute, mouse in our garage. The shouting and frenzy led me to believe that Satan himself had taken up residence under the Honda.

Some $50 worth of traps and poison later, the wee, small rodent was found in extremis on a glue trap. Being refused even the rites due to one of God's better creatures, he was dispatched to his ancestors and deposited for Waste Management to pickup on the curb.

All that to say, I feel for you. Had it been a rat she saw, I have no doubt we would be on a plane to the Philippines right now.

Dymphna said...

Father, do not buy a kitten or cat. Rats are too much for them. Get a rat terrier.

Anonymous said...

Our beautiful new subdivision is bordered by peaceful farmlands. So imagine my shock when I went up to store stuff in the attic and a rat jumped across a box! Then there were moles tunneling through our backyard ruining the new sod. Soon, a big black cat, (we call her Maggie) decided to adopt us. We haven't had to buy poison, traps, or worry about moles anymore thanks to Maggie! We also have two beautiful persian tabbies inside the house, although they mostly drape themselves on the furniture and snuggle with whomever sits on the couch. I definitely recommend a cat. They are independent, provide some companionship and get rid of those pests!

Paul said...

Have you considered simply confirming the rats? I notice that many other of God's creatures, upon confirmation, are never again seen at church.

Anonymous said...

Don't delay, get yourself a cat to rid yourself of this nuisance. Especially since you need peace of mind when you sleep. A cat will bring much happiness besides getting rid of the rodents. I say go for it quickly.

Anonymous said...

We do love reading about your 'RAT' dilemna you're so graphic and funny Fr, but we feel your phlight!
Not all cats are mousers, some just sit back yawn and point to the cheese is in the corner. :-) Have someone go around the perimeter of the rectory inspect it carefully and also around the eaves since they can climb. Find where they are coming in place steel wool in the hole or crevice; they hate it. Rat problem solved. No more poisons, no more traps, no more sleepless nights!


Anonymous said...

Poor little rat!

Anonymous said...

The terrier idea is good. A tom cat from the local shelter will also find sport in killing rats. In both cases the rats will self eliminate after a few casualties.

Not to be insulting, but they may also be finding a food source. A good Spring cleaning might help and review of food storage in the pantry.


:o) mg said...

"click to enlarge" ?!?!?
No thanks!

So you suspect the Baptists took the kitten.... maybe. But perhaps they are also sending over the rats. :D (I'm joking, I'm joking!!!)