I received this email today from one of my former parishioners who has moved to a new diocese. What do you think about this sad situation and pastoral insensitivity??????
Hello Father,
I asked one of the newly assigned
priests to come by hospital and anoint my spouse. He said he would come and visit and
administer the sacrament after he made a confession. I told him I doubted
he would be able to do so. My spouse is demented, has been declared incompetent by the
VA, and as I type this, he has been put into restraints for the night because he removed his
IV, pulled off all of his bracelets, and was working on removing his catheter
when the staff checked on him. They can’t even figure out what he did with the
bracelets….. Of course, Father came and I left the room. My spouse didn’t make a
confession. He has not made one in many years but how does his cognitive issues/diagnosis affect
his ability to receive the anointing of the sick?
I was really surprised by this
priest’s refusal to administer the sacrament and I am confused.
Thanks.
A Christian confused in Georgia
6 comments:
Baltimore Catechism:
Q. 970. Will Extreme Unction take away mortal sin if the dying person is no longer able to confess?
A. Extreme Unction will take away mortal sin if the dying person is no longer able to confess, provided he has the sorrow for his sins that would be necessary for the worthy reception of the Sacrament of Penance.
The poor lady who wrote you may take some small comfort in knowing that she has fulfilled her obligation to help a Christian in this time of need. I don’t know that we will ever know, this side of the grave, the actual disposition of her husband’s soul based on his intentions. But we are absolutely certain that Grace and forgiveness is available to him through ways we cannot comprehend. I hope and pray she can place this matter in God’s hands knowing that He wants her husband in Heaven more than any of us and that her husband will not be denied nor forgiven based on some mere technicality.
Bee here:
I have wondered the same question myself.
I have noticed people with dementia sometimes have clear days with much comprehension, and very foggy days where they appear not to be connecting with reality at all. But of course, that is subjective, because they may be comprehending well but are not able to communicate that comprehension to us and everything comes out garbled and confused.
My mother had cognitive impairment at the end of her life which was labeled dementia by medical persons, although she was never formally diagnosed. However, we prayed together each night, and often said the rosary or Chaplet of Divine Mercy. By the end of her life she could not say the prayers anymore, but I could tell she was engaged and praying in her spirit as best as she was able. I would often talk to her about spiritual things, and remind her that repentance for our sins was so important.
A few months before she died I called a priest to come to the house to administer the Sacrament of the Sick for her. I left the room when time came for Confession, so I don't know what he said to her or what she said to him, but when he called me back to the room he seemed satisfied she had sufficiently communicated sorrow for her sins. While he was there she was totally engaged, and clearly understood when she was being anointed and received Holy Communion.
It would seem to me because this man is trying to pull out the tubes he has some functionality of his mind yet. It might help if this lady spoke to her husband on one of his clearer days about Confession in general, using herself as an example, and then at an opportune moment ask him if he would like to go to confession. His response might be an indication to a priest that he has an intention to repent.
I also found that if a person with dementia can still read even a little they can sometimes comprehend more. If she gives him a printed copy (large print is better) of an Act of Contrition, or the Rite of Penance and reads it with him, that might elicit some sort of sign of desire for the Sacrament. Or he might indicate he rejects it. But she shouldn't give up, because the mood swings of those with dementia do not always indicate what is in their heart.
I would guess in these situations, much like for someone in a coma, a priest should err on the side of presumed repentance, so that it is becomes possible (but not certain) for the person to receive the graces needed to enter Eternal Life.
God bless.
Bee
Bee here:
As a sort of related story: When my dad was 86 he was suffering from the beginning stages of dementia, but was still competent to understand things around him and respond appropriately. A year before he died he has a serious GI bleed and they could not stop it. After about a week they told him things did not look good, that if it did not stop they could not continue to give him blood indefinitely, and there was no other solution, because he would not likely survive any surgery. He would die.
The next day a priest assigned to the hospital came to see him because he had listed his religion as Catholic. Over the years my dad had never missed Mass, but he did not receive Communion because he had not gone to Confession in over 40 years. So when the priest came in and offered my dad Holy Communion, my dad told him he couldn't receive because he hadn't been to Confession in a long time. The priest told him, "We can take care of that right now."
When I arrived at the hospital a little while later, I had barely gotten in the door when my dad burst into tears and said, "I went to Confession!" Here was my strong, manly father whom I had only seen cry once in all my life, and that was when my brother died, crying. With relief? Joy? He was overwhelmed with emotion.
And a day or two later the GI bleed stopped all by itself.
My dad passed away from a heart attack exactly one year TO THE DAY of the beginning of his GI bleed.
So this lady should not lose heart regarding the inner disposition of her husband's soul. She should keep praying for him, and ask God to give him an opportunity to receive the Sacrament. God does wondrous things.
God bless.
Bee
Thanks so much, Father, for this post and many thanks to rcg for his 11:43 response. THAT is a very real description of God’s mercy at work and will help a woman who is obviously a serious Catholic seeking God’s will for her spouse. My spouse suffers early dementia, but is still very involved in the Sacraments TBTG. The time will come, however, when memory will totally fail; I have worried about this scenario, particularly when hospitalization and end-stage medical and family issues dominate the overall scene. I know all priests who are called bedside to a dying Catholic have experienced some version of this conundrum. My prayers are with you good priests and all families in the plight of this good lady...
Simple: God knows and in God we trust.
The priest needs sensitivity training.
Paul
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